As high functioning fixers, we often fall into the trap of feeling like we have to do more, produce more, and help more. It can be exhausting to constantly feel like we have to perform at our best in every aspect of our lives, and can lead to burnout and a feeling of failure when we can't keep up. I have always felt like I needed to help and produce more. It's a common trap that many of us fall into, especially as we try to balance multiple responsibilities in our personal and professional lives. But a few months ago I had a meltdown where I realized that I had fallen into the pressure cooker of expecting myself to perform well for every single aspect of my life instead of enjoying the flow of things and living more in the present. In that instant I recognized that I was feeling like a failure because a few aspects of my life were out of balance and I expected myself to have it all together. I recognize this as a pattern for me when I get stressed. Can you relate?
It was in that moment that I knew I needed to step back and reevaluate my priorities. I turned to my self-compassion and my mindfulness practice to help me find my center again. Through my practice, I am reminded that all I can do is be who I am, take things one step at a time, and not be attached to outcomes. I cannot control my way to a happy life, it simply doesn't work that way. I achieve more when I trust in myself and my loved ones, and when I try my best without overextending myself. There is a fine line between doing your best and overstretching yourself. Once you cross that line, you get sucked into a high-performance trap and lose your footing. That's why it's important to infuse mindfulness, laughter and love into our work and personal life. When our work is fueled with love and laughter, our life becomes lighter and more enjoyable. But even as someone who teaches mindfulness, I can fall victim to the business and high-pressure of living in the world and presenting my best self forward. It took me 25 years of diligent inner work to accept myself as I am and it is still a work in progress, which is why I love helping others discover their own path to healing and loving themselves wholeheartedly. No one is immune to struggle or overwork or putting too much pressure on themselves from time to time. But mindfulness helps us find the compassion and grace to recognize it, face it, and readjust our trajectory. It's like our own compass grounding us in love and leading us to more love. There's no need to perform or control everything. All we have to do is simply be.
As Melodie Beattie writes in "Codependent No More," we must learn to let go of the need to control and fix everything around us. Instead, we can trust in the natural flow of life, and focus on being present in the moment. This is the key to finding joy and fulfillment, both in our work and in our personal lives. If you find yourself to be a high functioning adult, I recommend reading her book. It is very enlightening. One of the key messages of the book is the importance of self-care and self-compassion. Beattie emphasizes the need to prioritize our own needs and desires, and to learn to set healthy boundaries with others. This can involve saying no to requests or demands that are not in our best interest, and learning to assert our own needs and desires. Another important aspect of Beattie's approach is the emphasis on mindfulness and present moment awareness. (my favorite partJ) She encourages readers to learn to be fully present in the moment, and to avoid getting caught up in worries about the future or regrets about the past. This can involve developing mindfulness practices such as meditation, journaling, or yoga, which can help us cultivate greater awareness of our thoughts and feelings, and learn to let go of negative patterns.
So if you're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from always trying to do more, remember that you don't have to perform or control everything. You are enough, just as you are. Take time to breathe, infuse love and laughter into your work, and trust in the natural flow of life. With practice and patience, you can find your way back to a more mindful, present way of living.
Here are some more tips that we can use to feel less stress and pressure in our lives:
1-Focus on the present moment and practice mindfulness.
2-Set realistic goals and prioritize self-care.
3-Let go of the need to control everything and accept that some things are outside of our control.
4-Surround yourself with supportive and loving people who encourage us to take breaks and prioritize self-care.
5-Practice breathwork and meditation to center yourself and reduce stress and anxiety.
6-Set boundaries and learn to say no when necessary.
7-Identify and challenge your negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.
8-Remember that perfectionism is not a realistic or sustainable standard to hold ourself to.
9-Celebrate our accomplishments and progress, no matter how small.
10-Find joy and laughter in our work and daily life.
I hope these tips help you feel empowered! Please let me know which one resonated the most with you! By incorporating these practices into our daily lives, we can reduce stress, improve our overall well-being, and find more fulfillment in the present moment. Remember that mindfulness is a practice, and it takes time and effort to develop.
Be patient and kind with yourself as you navigate this journey!
I see you. I am here We can do the work together.
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